March 29, 2010
Aching. That's the only true way to describe this pain. It is not that anyone has done anything wrong, or that I have physically hurt myself, it is that I ache. My heart, specifically, aches. See, he left yesterday. And for the first time since we've known each other (360 days, or thereabouts) I don't know when I am going to see him again. True, he is moving to my parents home town. And true, there is a good chance I might go to school there too. And truer still, I am in the process of seeing if I too can move back home this summer. But none of that cures the ache. This emptiness I feel inside. Knowing that he is not going to be there when I wake up, or to walk to school with me in the rain, or to cook dinner with me, or to sit with me while I study for chemistry for four fucking hours in the library, or grab a beer after class. He is not here anymore, and I ache. I wish he never had to go. But part of me wish he never came. I didn't feel this way until he came and left. I miss him.